Grrrrrr

Today I have been deep in thought.  When I am not trying to trade. I am usually coming up with other ways to make money.  I am always aware of how much effort, tools it takes, and all the other crap that is involved in making a buck. All for what in reality is a pittance in what I could do in trading with the click of a mouse, if I had my mental side under control.  In my efforts to trade I have followed what others say about being positive, saying nice things to myself. Never to put myself down and such-  I have decided that is bullshit. As I sat there once again today seeing trade after trade but not pushing the button and letting my fear thoughts control me. I have come to the conclusion, I am a pussy. I can be a good trader and know my method works. But I have no I repeat NO mental skill set to pull it off. I am a freakin mental wreck. I am aware of how I need to trade mentally to get where I want to be and realize I have a long road ahead.
I can spend hours working on building something totally unafraid of messing up or having it cost me money with all sorts of home project tools that could hurt me, that I have to pull out to use and put away. I am able to control how I do that work and make it happen to what I want it to do.  I cannot move the market around. I should embrace that. The market is doing my work for me while I just sit and wait for the outcome. All I can do  to control my trading is to do my trading process mentally right and follow how I know it needs to be done same as working with my tools to make the final out come. once I enter it is up to probability whether I have more or less Dollars.

 These are the trades I wanted to take today. but sat on my ass and watched them move towards my targets without me.  I obviously don't trust myself and have huge doubts that I am seeing good trade entries. But day after day I am mostly correct for at least my 2 pts targets.
I must get it in my head that my eyes are now my tools and that clicking the mouse is turning the tool on and letting it do its thing automatically, as I have no control once that TOOL is turned on. But I must not be afraid to turn it ON.

Baby Step

Whats so special about today?  Well after sitting in fear for the last two days watching entry after entry, pass me by from being too afraid to push the button. I finally did it!  I made 1 trade. Out of the 30 probability trades I saw, I made 1.
 It just seem's that it is a mile stone I should post about.  nothing more. I have come to realize that I have alot to learn to control my thoughts while I am trading.  Binge watching Rande Howell youtube video's seem to make me aware of my thoughts and how I need to think. 
I will keep at it.

Reboot

I have been trading but not really-  Just Sim trading. While one learns what to do and not do. It still is a game. I have been a gamer.  Gamers are just that, Gamers.  They live in a world that is not real.  It is all fake.  It may give them a feeling that they could actually do what they do in a game for real.  But it is not real. Most of the world are dreamers not do-ers. They dream that they could succeed and feel that they would, but they prefer to just dream about it, and live in the fantasy that they would succeed.
I have been one of those. I have been dreaming and not living real.

March 1 2018
Was my last day to sim trade forever. I have a screen shot of it posted on my trading wall. I will never sim again. I may not ever trade live, I may just sit and stare at the screen, But I feel that I have taken another step towards my goal as a good trader.

March 5 2018

I have a method, I know how to trade, Whats the next big step ?  What has really sunk in that I am missing now that I have had to sit here and stare at my screen watching real trades show up and leave without me mentally being able to participate ?

I have dusted off  Rande Howell's course I took many moons ago and am now ready to take to heart the words within, and get control of the Monster that is within me.  I must work to become the Monster that does not slay itself, but become a controlled Monster that slayers other of less control.

I have come to realize that I want to be a person that can control his thoughts towards good purposes. and that great trading will just be one of the positive results from that effort. I have come to realize that fear is what keeps me from being all I can be in other areas of my life. Learning to control my State of mind suddenly seems to be more of a value and goal than being a trader with a growing account balance.  My mindlessness all these years has lead me to believe my thoughts are who I am.
But for some strange reason it has suddenly dawned on me in a moment of mindfullness that I can change that thinking. And that doing so is just as great a challenge to me as it has been to trade well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=017Ggr7hZd8

This is my daily go to video for the time being.

Moving forward once again !